


Optimistic Pessimist, Pessimistic Optimist

by LycanCoffee



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Camping, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Killing Game Was A Virtual Reality Simulation (Dangan Ronpa), Pining, Post-New Dangan Ronpa V3, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Game Personalities (New Dangan Ronpa V3), Slow Burn, no beta we die
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27581977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LycanCoffee/pseuds/LycanCoffee
Summary: "Don't you feel like two people, sometimes?" she says.Miu makes a tight-lipped expression."The girl in the game, the girl outside… I feel so conflicted about everything. I hate myself because I'm a cynical asshole. I hate myself because I'm naive, and I care too much."She sighs, long and heavy, like she's trying to blow out the fog in her mind."I just don't know what to do anymore."-Kaede Akamatsu goes to the mountains with her friends, only a year after she died.
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede & Iruma Miu, Akamatsu Kaede & Oma Kokichi, Akamatsu Kaede/Iruma Miu, Iruma Miu & Oma Kokichi, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi (mentioned)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 56





	1. Day 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm too impatient to wait to post this when it's fully written, so here we go.  
> Chapter one of Optimistic Pessimist! 
> 
> This is my biggest writing project since i finished my first multichapter back in July and im excited but also terrified and getting to the point where I want to scream when i read my own writing. Even still this fic is basically my child and if you are mean I WILL cry
> 
> please like this asjkhsjhfkg

Kaede, Miu, and Kokichi go out to the mountains together. 

Some people would call it an odd combination, but, y'know-

(You sign up for a killing game with a bunch of strangers to fix a life you can no longer stand, you die after weeks of fear and confusion, and then you wake up and and a smiling HR team gives you more money than God and a ticket for free counseling and now sometimes you stare out the window for hours on end without seeing it.)

Stuff happens.

Miu drives because Kokichi is, quote, "you know", and Kaede never got her driver's license. Miu's a surprisingly good driver, even though she spends the whole drive leaning against the wheel and muttering to herself. Kokichi thinks her road-rage is hilarious, but only because it doesn't make him flinch anymore. Kaede doesn't really care. 

Even though they're all rich now, Miu still drives a hot pink jeep with a cheetah-print wheel cosy and fuzzy dice that she treats like her baby. 

(Kaede remembers meeting her for the first time and all she would talk about was dumping her 'trashy ride' and getting a ferrari after the game. You could practically see the dollar signs flashing in her eyes every time the staff talked about money.)

Kokichi is  _ on _ the whole ride, but at least he's happy. He talks on and on, and blasts trashy pop music "because shotgun gets to DJ, Kaede, geez, have you never been on a road trip before", and eats all the snacks, and when he gets bored he bickers with Miu until she's well and truly pissed but she keeps smiling when she thinks nobody's looking.

Kaede's looking. 

They're playing a game, like dogs jumping up and down and barking at each other. Kaede's never tried that, getting catharsis from yelling about stupid things with your friends. It seems contradictory, or at least tiring _. It looks fun! _ She figures she'll get roped into it at some point in the trip, besides. Miu and Kokichi fight like it's their job.

She spends the ride talking in short snippets, or leaning against the windowsill in thought. There's a lot to think about, and most of it sucks.  _ That's not true. Angie's going to art school now, isn't that cool? _ Most of the time, she's just watching, like someone else peering into the car from the outside. She tries to take a nap but ends up just sitting very still with her eyes closed for a while, listening to the others talk. Miu keeps remembering she's "asleep" and telling Kokichi to shut up before forgetting again. It's sweet. 

-

They get to the cabin just as the sun is setting. Miu sighs in relief as she leaves the car, rolling her neck with an audible crack.

"God, mountain roads are such a fucking pain," Miu says.

"Which one of us is paying for this, again?" Kokichi asks in a bored voice, squinting at the cabin. He'd managed to tire himself out during the ride, and stayed in the car while they were getting the house key.

"I am," Kaede says.

"Oh fuck, Kaede's here!" he cries. Apparently not tired enough. 

Kaede rolls her eyes. "You can't bully me into bantering with you," she says. He sticks out his tongue at her. There's a shiny new piercing in the center, a tiny silver ball instead of the rhinestones in his ears.

"Okay, I don't know about you bitches but I'm getting in there and taking a shower about right fucking now," Miu says, body half in the car as she excavates her luggage. She whines and grunts as hefts up her bags. Predictably, she brought more than Kokichi and her put together. Kokichi hangs around her shoulder, waiting for her to do the work for him so he can easily grab his own luggage. Finally, Kaede pulls out her own duffel bag, and Miu slams the car shut with her hip. She digs the paper envelope with the key out of her pocket and hands it to Kaede, who goes ahead and unlocks the door. 

The weather outside is becoming too cold to be comfortable, but the cabin is well-insulated. The interior design is comfy and cheerful, perhaps leaning on the "rustic mountain retreat" theme a bit much if the omnipresent deer antlers are any indication, but it's something different, at least. When in Rome.

Kokichi comes in and goes off to the kitchen to "break shit". Miu wolf-whistles as she comes in on his heels, looking around the main room with bright eyes. It's a nice, spacious cabin -Kaede's certainly paying enough for one. She dumps her luggage on the ground and runs up the wooden stairs, beaming. She's kid-on-christmas giddy, and it softens Kaede just a little. She sets the key on a table beside the door and walks up the stairs.

There's a bedroom with a balcony and a view of the mountains, purple in the distance. The bed is queen-size, with the white-linen set typical of a hotel. She approaches the sliding glass doors and slips through them to investigate.

She's admiring the view when she hears Miu scream "Holy shit, look at this bathtub!" from the connected bathroom. 

She peeks in and Miu is sitting fully clothed in the dry tub, cackling. 

"You could fit like six people in here!" she cheers. 

"More like two," Kaede corrects her. Miu looks offended to have her judgement questioned, but then she smiles and wiggles her eyebrows. 

"Is that a proposition?" she says.

"Like hell."

"Hey, I'm a hot piece of ass and you know it!" Miu says, puffing up, but she forgets to be offended fairly quickly after she notices a jacuzzi option and begins giggling maniacally.

They go back down to explore further. The kitchen seems to have survived the third member of their party, so they head downstairs where they find a game room. They also find Kokichi, posing against a poorly stuffed bear, its face frozen in a lopsided roar.

"Smash or pass?" he asks Miu seriously, gesturing to the bear. 

"Pass!" she says, trying to hit him and failing.

"What, you don't want to be held in his tender bear arms?" he asks, dodging her attacks with glee. They run around the room in circles trying to get the better of each other.

"I bet you want to be held in some bear's arms, you fucking-"

Kaede tunes them out and looks more closely at their surroundings. Another bedroom tucked in the back, a bathroom, a bookshelf full of board games, an ancient, broken arcade machine, a foosball table, and-

"Woah, is that a whole pool table?"

"What else would it be, dumbass?"

Miu squeaks in rage and aims another hit at him. Kaede strokes the soft green felt of the table. She searches the underside and finds cues on a hook underneath. 

"Have you ever played?" Miu asks, apparently done with whatever she and Kokichi were up to. 

Yes. Before the game started Kaede used to go to skeevy bars with a fake ID no one cared to read and drink with kids from school she hated. They went to one with a dinged up pool table in the back barely anyone used, and when they got too cocky, she'd beat their ass at pool. "I'm smarter than you," she said without speaking. "Don't forget it." She used to think it was true.

_ No. Kaede spent all her time playing piano. She didn't go to scary places like bars, she only played in concert halls and sometimes retirement homes or children's wards for charity. She grew up with parents and a twin sister who cared about her so much, who only saw a prodigy and a beautiful young woman in her, never imagined that she would do anything she wasn't supposed to, and of course she wouldn't. Darling Kaede Akamatsu had no reason to misbehave. _

"...Kaede?" 

She snaps back to reality, realizing she has gone silent for longer than she should have. Miu is looking at her with a soft, sympathetic look, something that would have been entirely foreign to the Miu she knew before they woke up.

"Hmm," she says. It's not really an answer, but Miu takes it as affirmative.

"Do you wanna play?" she asks with a grin.

Kaede shakes her head without even thinking. She doesn't want to look at it right now.

"I'll go unpack some. You guys can go ahead."

"Oh, speaking of, I claim the bed down here, and I'm not sharing," Kokichi pipes up.

"I wouldn't wanna sleep with your gay ass anyway," Miu sniffs.

"That's fine," Kaede says. "Miu and I will take the upstairs one."

Kokichi gasps. "Sharing a bed before marriage? You harlots! I can't be seen with sinful women like yourselves."

Miu sputters and argues with Kokichi, but Kaede just sighs. "Sure, whatever," she says, trudging upstairs to put away her luggage.

-

They have chips and beer for dinner to celebrate their arrival. Miu shoves them into the kitchen, runs off, and comes back with a massive bag of tortilla chips, a jar of guacamole, and a jar of salsa tucked under her arms, and a box of beer bottles in each hand. 

"You sluts ready for a good time?" she cheers.

Kaede scoffs. Her smile doesn't quite reach her eyes. (It hasn't decided if it's genuine or not yet.) Kokichi slams his hands on the table and yells something insulting at Miu, who is too pumped to pay attention. 

She rids herself of her cargo swiftly, slamming each item onto the table.

"Making dinner is for chumps and I've been eating poptarts all day anyway, so this is what we get!

Kokichi pops open the bag with a bang! but the wrong end tears. Kaede claps for him sarcastically and he flips her off.

They spend a while just eating and chatting mindlessly, talking about their future, what they've been up to lately.

"I'm fucking aceing university. Those crusty idiots have never met someone as talented in their lives!" Miu preens. 

"Or maybe they're so shocked by your stupidity they accidentally put the wrong grade in."

Kaede can't say anything because her mouth is full of chips, so she just flicks him. He looks at her like he'd never known betrayal until that moment. 

"I'm thinking of moving to Tokyo. I might go to school there," Kokichi says a while later, looking at his fingernails, and Miu fucks up his hair in rage.

"You can't just announce that casually!" she says, scowling at him but clearly delighted.

Kaede squints in thought. "...Tokyo?" she says.

"Oh? What's wrong with Tokyo?" he says, pouting.

"...Tokyo," she repeats as if she hadn't heard him, and tilts her head with a lazy smile.

Kokichi smiles at her too-wide, probably in an attempt to scare her off. She flashes a smirk. That confirms it.

"So you're moving to be closer to Shuichi." 

"What? Don't be ridiculous, I can't stand that guy," he says.

"No, you still have that weird crush on him," she says, and the  _ still _ makes Kokichi flinch. He does the too-wide smile again and looks like he's going to lunge across the table. 

( _ The game's a touchy subject to all of them. She shouldn't have mentioned it. _ Kaede doesn't care if she hurts other people. Maybe he'll kill her and this one will take.)

"Boooo!" Miu says, getting between them by laying half her body on the table and almost knocking over their drinks. "No more talking about Shuichi! I'm so fucking bored of him! Is Shuichi here, huh? No! It's Miu time, baby, and you should be soaking it in!"

Kaede pats Miu's arm comfortingly. Kokichi plasters on a less-threatening smile and calls Miu an attention whore.

The subject has been safely removed from discussion. 

"What about you, huh?" Kokichi asks once they're all at least two beers in. He doesn't look mad at her anymore, but she knows he's stewing in his feelings. Guilt, regret, worry, flickering in his eyes. He's so much worse at hiding it these days. (And, well, Shuichi brings out the worst _ best in people _ .)

Kaede pauses to think.

Since she was released from the hospital, she's lived alone in a shitty little apartment that reminds her too much of her childhood to be comfortable, but that she's too lazy to leave. 

It was incredibly easy to slip into old habits. 

The fridge is full of six packs of beer and convenience store garbage. She sleeps in all morning and watches TV all afternoon and then hates herself all night. Since the game, though, part of her desperately  _ needs _ to be doing something so bad it feels like there's an entire hive of insects under her skin screaming as she stares dry-eyed at the ceiling.  _ She'll get in these cleaning frenzies, and organize everything in the house and buy a ton of groceries to make actual dinner. _ Then, a couple days later, all the food's gone rotten and she's back to eating microwave dinners. 

"I do volunteer work," she says. There, that doesn't sound pathetic. Maybe even like a good person. 

Kokichi snorts. "That's classic save-the-world shit," he says.

Kaede sips from her drink and nods. "I hate it," she admits before she can stop herself. The sudden feeling of falling smack on her face makes her feverish, and she bites her tongue too late.

Miu laughs like that's the funniest thing she's heard all week (she's maybe had the most drinks of all of them). "Why do you do it then, dumbass?" she asks cheerfully, face flushed pink.

_ Kaede cares too much, these days. She desperately wants everyone to be happy. _ But she can't trust humans, greedy, selfish, and lazy humans to do jack shit for each other, so she'll do volunteer work and hate every goddamn miserable second. But she has to. Or she'll go insane.

"Eh," she says, forcing a laugh.

They start talking about something stupid instead.

-

They're doing this trip now because Miu's school is out all week, and she wanted to do something fun. It all came down to coincidence- everybody else was busy around that time, Kaede just happened to be bored enough to check the group chat, Kokichi made a joke about a cabin in the woods and then- 

_ "I'll pay for it,"  _ she said. Her newfound fortune was practically rotting away, anyway, with nothing to spend it on but ramen and rent. She needed something to throw money at. She wanted to do something that wasn't fucking picking up garbage in the park with a pointed stick. 

A few weeks later she was at the train station getting picked up by Miu's shitty jeep.

It had been almost a year since she'd last seen Miu. She'd expected to immediately regret joining the trip, bored to tears listening to Miu's inane bullshit. Maybe even forced to babysit her trauma, comfort her when she inevitably broke down. 

(She'd been fragile as glass when she first woke up. Jumpy. Once, Kaito bumped into her shoulder while turning a corner and she just started crying in the middle of the common room.)

Instead, when she looked up from her phone and spotted her, she saw Miu with half her body stuck out the window, curly hair pulled back in a bouncy ponytail, waving frantically and smiling like she couldn't have been happier to see her and Kaede felt- 

Warm. 

'Maybe it won't be so bad', she thought.

-

Kaede almost expected Miu to sleep half-nude, or wearing something scandalous, but once Kaede is done changing in the bathroom, she finds her wearing fluffy, winnie-the-pooh pajama bottoms and a too-big t-shirt.

When she enters, Miu looks up from her phone, gives her a once-over, and whistles. 

"I'm wearing a shirt and basketball shorts," Kaede deadpans.

"Sexy basketball shorts," Miu says, wiggling her eyebrows. 

Kaede sighs almost fondly, and turns off the light.

Miu falls asleep first. 

The bed is just big enough that both of them can fit without touching each other. She's still awfully close, though. Kaede can smell Miu's shampoo, her hair still freshly washed and rolled into a loose bun. 

The lights are all out, but the room is dimly visible by the moonlight coming in from the partially curtained glass doors. 

Kaede has fucked her sleep schedule up to the point that she doesn't even feel tired. She drank more water than beer during "dinner", so the alcohol's all worn off by now. All she can really do is stare at the ceiling and try not to think about how much she hates herself.

She's just settled into a twilight state, half-asleep and not really thinking about anything, when she hears a noise from beside her. 

She bolts up, immediately awake. Miu is mumbling to herself in her sleep. She relaxes. It's nothing to worry about.

She knows it's creepy to watch people sleep, but it shouldn't be that big a deal if it's just for a moment, so she keeps an eye on her bedmate, just to be safe. Miu keeps mumbling. She starts shifting in place. 

Must be an intense dream. 

Miu's breathing becomes heavier. She looks almost like she's struggling, kicking her legs and whimpering louder and louder against an invisible assailant. Then, her hands go to her throat and-

_ Oh _ . She feels the sympathetic urge to hold her own throat. It constricts in phantom pain, and she struggles to remind herself she can breathe.  _ She needs my help. _

She shakes Miu by her shoulder, becoming more desperate as her breathing becomes more labored. 

"Wake up," she whispers urgently. "Wake up." Her heart squeezes with fear.

Miu wakes up like coming up out of the water, gasping for air. Kaede softens in relief.

"It's okay, it's just me, hey," she says. Miu has rolled onto her back, eyes darting all over the dark room. 

"It's fine, you're safe. Slow down. Hey, breathe with me." She breathes comically loud so Miu can follow her. 

Miu does, eventually, getting a hold of herself. She shuts her eyes in exhaustion and the rise and fall of her chest becomes more even. Kaede waits, watching for any bad signs. 

"Sorry," Miu mumbles, rolling on to her side to face Kaede. 

"It's alright," she says. Miu's face is shiny with sweat. A strand of hair has fallen out of her bun, so Kaede gently tucks it behind her ear. 

Miu's breath hitches, and she freezes for just a moment despite herself. Then, calmly, as though it were a perfectly normal thing to do, she completes the action, and goes to lie down.

"Wait-" Miu says.

Kaede pauses. 

"I don't, um-" Kaede can tell she's blushing, even in the dim light. "I don't have my contacts in," she admits. "I don't want to trip around in the dark, so… could you get something for me?"

Kaede hesitates, then nods. Realizing Miu may not have been able to see it, she asks "What is it?"

"It's in my big suitcase," Miu says. "It's... brown."

That's… worryingly vague, but she already agreed, so she stands up and wanders over to where she saw the suitcase last. She digs through Miu's stuff, looking to find... whatever she's supposed to be looking for, when she pulls out a teddy bear.

"Oh," she says out loud.  _ That's not that big a deal _ . At least it's not heroin or something.

"You got it?"

"Yeah, hold on."

She slides back into bed and hands it to Miu, who smiles in relief. 

"You could have just had it out in the first place," she said.

"Yeah," Miu mutters, hugging it to her chest. "I… I dunno. 'Rumi bought it for me as a going away present after I got into school. It's ironic, 'cause half of us are rotten murderers, but you guys make me feel… safe."

Kaede swallows uncomfortably. She kind of gets what Miu means. They've been through a lot together at this point. It's been at least a year since they woke up. They grew really close back then, like a family. But nothing good sticks around in life, so it was really only inevitable that Kaede lives alone, in an apartment she doesn't like, doing nothing worthwhile. 

It was inevitable.

(She kind of deserves to be alone. She  _ is _ a rotten murderer.)

"...I thought you would make fun of me for it," Miu says, snapping Kaede out of her train of thought. Miu looks oddly vulnerable, but not in the way she used to cower in the simulation. 

"Huh?" She says stupidly. "Why would I do that?"

"I don't know if you know this, but you're kind of an asshole."

Kaede grimaces. "Okay, fuck you and go to sleep." 

Miu grins sleepily. "Yeah, like that. Man, you're different."

She feels a pang of regret for… being who she is? Being too cruel? Not being the pretty pink musician she used to be? But then Miu yawns and says, "I still like you, though. You're Kaede, y'know…?"

No, she doesn't know. That's part of the problem, but Miu's already asleep. It gives her a little comfort. She settles into bed, lying just a little closer to her, so she can almost feel the warmth she gives off.

_ She likes me. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, this is where i thank u for reading and also tell u 2 go 2 sleep if ur up past ur bedtime
> 
> i know i said i would cry but if u have any feedback or thoughts pls pls tell me- comments are my lifeblood I print them out and eat them to sustain myself
> 
> drink water kids


	2. Day 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Wow, an early morning hike! That sounds fantastic," he says, voice dripping with sarcasm.
> 
> Miu nods, willfully ignoring his obvious meaning. "It'll be great! And it's not even that early, it's just…" she checks her watch, "7 AM."
> 
> Kaede wonders if Miu will let her stay behind if she starts crying right at this moment.
> 
> -
> 
> The gang does Family Bonding Time + just a lil trauma to keep it spicy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you thought you'd heard the last of me  
> THINK AGAIN BITCH  
> I'm not dead yet !!!! And I'm still gay!!

They go on a hike the next day. 

Kaede isn't an early riser ( _ anymore),  _ so Miu has to shake her awake, already dressed and ready. The first thing she sees when she wakes up is Miu smiling brightly at her. Her assertive cheerfulness somehow tricks her into not being completely pissed while she's being dragged around, until she's standing blearily in the main room of the first floor and realizes that she is going to be forced to do things today. 

Kokichi is also not an early riser. He's standing beside her in a similar fashion, looking as though his pale body was thrown haphazardly into his pajamas.

Miu is very much awake. She's almost buzzing with excitement. Kaede realizes she is naturally the kind of person that always needs to be doing something. 

"We're going on a hike!" She says. Despite the lack of possible alternatives, this is not what Kaede wanted to hear. 

She blinks at her slowly, as if to impress upon her how unenthused she is. Kokichi beside her flashes a frightening smile, darkened by the creeping shadows underneath his eyes.

"Wow, an early morning hike! That sounds  _ fantastic, _ " he says, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Miu nods, willfully ignoring his obvious meaning. "It'll be great! And it's not even that early, it's just…" she checks her watch, "7 AM."

Kaede wonders if Miu will let her stay behind if she starts crying right at this moment.

Instead, Miu sends them off to their respective rooms to get themselves ready, yelling after them that if they aren't back in ten minutes, she'll do it herself. Kaede's a little worried what exactly that might entail, so she doesn't dawdle.

Roughly ten minutes later, they've left the cabin behind. Miu walks at the front of the group, an old-fashioned paper map of the area in her hands. 

"Miu, you're gonna get us lost," Kokichi whines as she leads them into a wooded trail.

"Shut up, I know exactly where we're going. They don't call me a genius for nothing!" Miu says, not looking up from the map.

She does seem pretty confident, but Kaede can't help but be wary. It's not like Miu hasn't been wrong before. 

The woods are… woods. Dirt, trees, rocks, fallen branches to trip on, and bugs, which never fail to make Kokichi screech and recoil. 

A good bit into the hike, a beetle finds its way onto his jacket and he begins to flail wildly, yelling like that will remove the bug. Miu is almost as bad, jumping up and down in a panic. Kaede takes the opportunity to take a rest on a tree stump.

Eventually, Miu manages to nudge it off with a stick, and the two take a moment to collect themselves after their nightmarish encounter. 

Kokichi takes a deep breath to steady himself, then-

"Is it still alive?"

Miu nods. "Yeah, it should be." She squints at the ground, then kneels and points at something in the leaves to the side of the trail. "There he is."

Kokichi kneels down beside her. The beetle is fat and brown, lumbering around in its shiny jacket. Kokichi looks a little pale, but doesn't make any move to harm it.

"Why do you care? Weren't you guys scared of it like, three seconds ago?" Kaede says, observing them with her head perched cooly on her hand. 

That hits home. Miu flinches. Kokichi somehow looks more uncomfortable. 

"I mean…" Miu says, twirling a strand of her hair. "Gonta wouldn't want it to get hurt."

Kokichi nods somberly. 

Ah. Kaede wasn't around for that part, but she knows what happened. There's a horrible twisting feeling in her gut, like her insides are being wrung out, twisting tighter and tighter until something snaps. 

"You talk about him like he's  _ dead _ ," she says, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "You could just talk to him. You could even text him as soon as we get back to the cabin." 

Miu looks miserable. She curls into herself and wraps her arms around her knees. Kokichi stands up and crosses his arms, looking away.

She wants to poke more at the wound.

Of course, she remembers in painful detail how awkward they were every time they had to be in the same room. It took weeks for their relationship to go from "three-way panic attack" to something resembling civility, and at that point, the cast of Danganronpa V3 was released back into society like rehabilitated animals. 

They probably haven't spoken since. 

It's so easy, she thinks, watching them stew in their discomfort. Peel back the skin, dig into their bloody hearts. Give them a reason to be scared of her. She wants to,  _ but she can't _ .  _ She won't. She's biting her tongue like she has to physically stop herself. _

_ Maybe she does. _

"Hmph," she says instead. She swings up and on to her feet, then reaches down to Miu. "C'mon, don't you have something you wanna show us? Or are we just gonna go around in circles in the woods until we get tired?" 

Miu looks up at her with wide eyes. She very carefully takes Kaede's hands, and together they get her up on her feet. Her hands are rough and a little cold. _Kaede gives them a squeeze so_ _they'll warm up a little._

Miu does everything boldly, but she's holding her hands so, so gently. Her cheeks are pink, but it's probably just because she always puts on too much blush. Kaede has the sudden urge to touch her face to see if it rubs off on her fingers.

"If you guys keep that up I'm going to puke," Kokichi complains. He's glaring at them with his hands on his hips. There's no sign in his expression that their conversation ever happened. It's a fiery expression for someone under 5'2", and pretty convincing _. If she didn't know any better_ _it might have frightened her._ Instead she just levels a blank stare at him.

Miu startles when she turns to look at him, dropping Kaede's hands like they burned her, but the terror on her face disappears as quickly as it came. 

"You're just jealous 'cause you don't get to hold my hand!" She says. She pouts and puffs up her chest, mirroring Kokichi's pose. 

"Ugh, no way in hell would I touch those. I don't know where they've been."

"Listen here you bastard-" 

They go charging down the trail, yelling at each other and giggling. Kaede follows at a reasonable pace.  _ She stifles a smile as she watches them.  _

-

This goes on for a frankly ridiculous amount of time until Kaede manages to catch up with them. They're bent over, panting and sweaty. Kokichi has a massive smile he hasn't managed to cover yet. Miu is fanning her face. 

"Fuck," she says, still out of breath, "I'm gonna sweat off my foundation."

"Gonna- show your true- self- to the world, huh?" Kokichi pants.

"This shit's expensive!" She whines. There's a pause. He can't seem to think of a clever response.

"Break time!" He declares instead, collapsing into a sitting position against an adjacent tree. 

Miu does the same, sighing in relief. 

"Didn't we just take a break?" Kaede says, even as she is lowering herself to sit beside Miu. 

" _ You  _ took a break," Miu says, leaning back against the tree with her eyes closed as she catches her breath. 

"I had a brush with death," he says, tilting his head regally. Kaede rolls her eyes.

" _ We  _ had a brush with death," Miu says. She punches his shoulder, but there's no power behind it.

"Sure, whatever. I'm taking this stupid jacket off," he says. He pulls it off by the sleeves. He rolls it up to put it away, but pauses- he looks at his jacket, looks up, looks back at it one more time, and then spikes it across the path into the trees. 

Kaede looks at him like  _ why did you do that?  _ He smiles mysteriously. 

"Good idea," Miu mumbles. She pulls her puffy pink jacket up over her head without unzipping it, shaking her hair out once she's free. She's wearing a plain white t-shirt instead of a sweater like Kaede has. It's, admittedly, kind of gross and sweaty at this point, but the cut of it fits her form really well. Her hair is up in a ponytail so her rounded shoulders are in clear view. She has more muscle than Kaede expected, looking at the shape of her body. It's subtle, but definitely more toned than Kaede is herself. Miu flaps her collar back and forth in an attempt to cool down. The movement unintentionally brings Kaede's attention to her clavicle. She has a birthmark just underneath it, a little to the left. Miu sighs and tilts her head up, stretching her neck, smooth and still a little flushed-

"Kaede?"

"Huh?" Kaede sputters, feeling warmth rush to her face as she snaps out of her thoughts.

Miu has a tense expression,  _ just a hint of the way she used to cower in the game _ . "Are you, um- do you want something?" She says. 

Fast. Think fast.

"You look like you need water," she says. 

Miu brightens up. No suspicion whatsoever. Kaede digs through her backpack,  _ resisting the urge to stuff her face in it and scream.  _

"Here," she says, pushing as cool a tone as she can into her voice. She gives her the water bottle she packed for herself and tries to keep her face blank when their fingers brush. 

Miu takes it gratefully, throwing back her head and drinking in big gulps. Kaede averts her eyes and makes eye-contact with Kokichi, who has the biggest shit-eating grin she's ever seen on him.

He looks  _ ecstatic.  _ She can almost feel the balance of the planets shifting as Kokichi smugly rests his chin on his hand and mouths "checkmate".  __

Fuck. Shit. If she even hints to Shuichi how he feels, he'll tell Miu that she got so distracted ogling her shoulders that she ascended to a different plane of existence. _She would never do that, of course,_ _but_ it was nice to have something to hold against the tiny purple menace. 

Kaede, you stupid fucking lesbian, this is why we don't do feelings.

-

From then on it's pretty straightforward. Kokichi picks up his newly leaf-covered jacket. They talk about nothing important and follow the trail, every once and a while stopping at a split in the path and waiting for Miu to direct them. Eventually, they break through the trees and find themselves on a cliff. There's a periscope near the edge and this massive, gorgeous view of the mountains, fading from green to blue to purple, all the way to the end of the horizon, against a clouded white sky. 

It's breathtaking, and they all go silent at once, forgetting whatever they were talking about and staring in awe. 

Miu giggles and bounces up and down, looking very pleased with herself. 

"Yes! Oh man, this was totally worth it, right?" She says, pumping her fist. "Am I a genius or what?" She races over to the periscope and digs a quarter out of her pocket to put in the slot. 

Kokichi is too distracted by the view to even take advantage of the obvious set-up. He takes a few steps out of the trees and just stares. Kaede follows him. 

It's even more amazing like this, where the deep blue mountains stretch out at either side of her, filling her entire view. At the edges, they melt back into forest, becoming more tangible slopes and muddy cliffs. She takes another few steps forward, looking up at the pale blue sky, then down off the edge and-

Huh.

They're really high up. Really,  _ really high up.  _

She stumbles backward. _She can feel_ _it around her neck, swinging her back and forth, yanking her out of reach of Shuichi's outstretched hand and her other classmates, so, so high up_. 

She keeps closer to the tree line. She doesn't remember when she started shaking. She wants to scream that  _ everything is fine it's fine I'm fine everything is fine everything is fine _ but she knows it won't convince her.  _ She wants to hum Claire de Lune to calm down  _ but she doesn't actually remember how it goes. It's been so long since then. 

"Kaede~," Kokichi whines. She jumps at the interjection. "My hands are cold." 

Kaede stares at him blankly. Her brain is making that horrifying _ eeeeeeeee-rrrrrrrrrr  _ sound old computers make when they wake up. 

"... and!" He says, throwing up his arms, "I'm worried Miu is going to push me off the side of the cliff as revenge for all the times I called her a whore, so."

They stare at each other. He's looking at her expectantly, but she can't deliver. Her fingers are still shaking. Something flickers across his face, but it's quickly replaced by a demanding, haughty expression.

"Hold my hand for me!" He says, holding it out defiantly. 

It finally clicks, and Kaede is awash with feeling. She is embarrassed, and furious,  _ and thankful _ , so intensely she could vomit. Part of her wants to shove him off the cliff. The rest of her is  _ screaming _ to take this out so she can stop feeling like she swallowed a tiger and it's trying to get out. 

_ She can't really help it if she needs a little help after everything she's been through, right _ ?

She gives him a Look, so he at least knows that she knows exactly what he's doing. She's wiser to deception than the first girl he met, but he probably knows that, too. He's giving her a glass wall of plausible deniability.

His bold expression falters for just a moment, but she's already rolling her eyes and huffing about how dramatic he is, even as her voice trembles in her throat. _She takes his hand in hers_ _and grips it like her only lifeline._

_ It's fine. She's fine.  _ She didn't notice how hard she was breathing, but now her lungs ache from the cold air. 

He winces, just a little, but suppresses it, letting her squeeze his hand as tightly as she needs. We will share this pain, it says.  _ She tries not to let it sicken her to burden someone else. _

"I could look at this all day," Miu murmurs. She's leaning on the periscope, staring at the purple mountains in the distance. 

Kaede keeps her eyes perfectly level with the horizon. It  _ is _ nice. It's really nice. 

"Yeah," she says, overwhelmingly thankful that her voice is smooth again. "They're pretty."

-

The firepit crackles at the center of their group, sending sparks into the air. 

They took a break after the hike, but reconvened to roast marshmallows and hotdogs for dinner, late after the sun had already set.

Something about the darkness and the silence lying like a tent of black velvet over their pitiful trio sucks the energy out of them. The conversation keeps dissipating into thin air (not that Kaede is helping much).

"Do you think we're bad people because of what we did?" Miu says, breaking the quiet. Kaede raises an eyebrow.

"Last I remembered, you two weren't 'blackend'," she says. Miu shakes her head.

"I don't mean  _ in  _ the game, I mean  _ before it. _ " 

That gets her attention. 

"I signed up to kill people. I went through all that effort just so I could have a  _ chance _ to kill people, and for what? Money? Fame?" She laughs. "I've got both now, and I'm sure as hell not happy."

"I just… I wanted people to love me. So bad. Before I signed up, I was the kid who would do anything you asked her to. I hurt people, and I hurt myself, just so I could hear them laugh with me. Just so they'd give me some- some  _ crumbs  _ of affection. I was dedicated to being fun to be around, so that at least people would tolerate me." She sniffles. Her mascara is running down her face. 

"The funniest fucking thing was, it didn't even work! I was a distraction, a decoration, a toy- but  _ never _ a person. Nobody stuck around for long enough to care about me. I just got more and more desperate. I would change anything about me,  _ do  _ anything, for somebody to love me. I, the  _ things _ I let… h-happen," her voice breaks and she looks away for a moment to collect herself.

"Danganronpa," she says, voice hushed, "was my last chance. It was love or death for me. I was gonna be rich and famous or die trying. Then, somebody would have to love me." 

She chokes on the last word, then buries her face in her hands.

Kokichi sits side-wise in his chair so he can wrap his arms around her shoulders. He whispers something to her and she nods her head.

Once Miu is a little calmer, he looks between them a few times, then seems to come to a decision. 

"That's something I wanted, too," he says quietly. "I was so alone, and I couldn't figure out why. The game was so I could change myself, so I could be someone worthy, and then, then, in the game, I… I…" he shakes like he's going to fall apart. He sighs, and it steadies him slightly.

"I wanted Shuichi to fix me, y'know?" Kokichi says. He draws his knees to his chest, eyes fixed on the fire. 

Miu laughs dryly, but it isn't mean.

"Nobody can fix you," he says. His eyebrows furrow. "Nobody can  _ fix  _ you, but you can't just go without other people, y'know? I- I tried." 

His eyes are shiny and his face begins to crumple. Miu gently places a hand on his shoulder, slowly, making sure she doesn't surprise him.

"And he makes me feel so much better." His voice rises into a whine, crackling like a scratched record. His eyes overflow. "He sees me. He never stopped trying, not until I… I," he rubs his face and sniffles. "And then when I woke up, after everything…"

He tapers off but they already know the story. They had a ton of fights, sometimes screaming loud enough to be heard from the common areas, but then- they started taking care of each other. Painfully, begrudgingly, until it was second-nature. Until you could see them search for each other every time they entered a room. 

It's kind of painfully romantic. Not something Kaede would have ever liked,  _ and too bitter, with too many rough edges to resonate.  _

She looks at Kokichi, who is sobbing now, and Miu, beside him, leaning dangerously far out of her chair just to comfort him. 

"I dated somebody when I was younger." 

They both turn suddenly to look at her. She really didn't mean to say it, but fuck it, Miu and Kokichi already told their sob stories so it must be her turn, right?

"...Much younger," she continues, gauging their reaction. They watch her knowingly, openly. She's fine. It's fine. She takes a deep breath.

"I was, this sugar-pink girl who shopped at Claire's and always said 'thank you' no matter what, and they were three years older and very good at lying." 

She narrows her eyes, already feeling angry just thinking about it. 

"They poisoned everything. They were sick.  _ And everybody loved them. _

"They isolated me, they gaslighted me, they made me hate myself, and they used me. By the time I realized how fucked it was, I was trapped. I told the teachers, and they did nothing. I told the counselors, and they did nothing. I had no friends. I'd chased them all away at their command. Where was I supposed to go?  _ Home?" _

They're looking at her with big, soft eyes, so she looks away. 

"I'd run to them in the first place because I had  _ no _ home. All I had was an apartment and a father who was either crying, angry, or asleep. There was nothing for me there." 

She bends forward, staring at the fire in cold rage. 

"It was hell getting out. I was only really free once they graduated and moved away, and even cutting them off then took jumping through a million hoops." 

It just goes to show that she's alone for a reason. She doesn't need anybody else. It'll only weaken her. 

"You can't trust anyone," she says, voice low. 

Miu tries to comfort her but she shakes her hand off. 

They sit in silence until the fire burns out.

-

Kaede is stone-faced even as she and Miu walk into their bedroom. She's clammed up on instinct, as much reflex as snatching your hand away from a crocodile's open mouth. She gets ready for bed in stiff, automotonous movements.

She stuffs down the regret and anxiety boiling beneath the surface, and focuses instead on each task-  _ put away dinner, brush teeth, take off shoes, take off coat _ …

It's only when she's digging through her suitcase for some pajamas to wear that she stops to notice the presence hovering over her shoulder. 

"What."

Miu is standing at the foot of the bed, all dressed in pajamas and with her stuffed bear under her arm. She's bouncing continuously on her feet and fidgeting her fingers with a violence. 

"I was just wondering," she says in an even tone, as if she isn't practically vibrating off the floor, "if, um. If I should take the couch instead."

"The couch?" Kaede pauses, stone-face falling away. She furrows her brow.  _ She hates me _ , her mind supplies.  _ After 24 hours in the same place she's realized it's all a big mistake.  _ There's a horrible squeeze in her chest.

"If you want me to go so bad, then you can keep the bed," she snaps, turning away. 

"No!" Miu shouts. "No, I, I mean, because, because I woke you up last night." She twirls a lock of hair rapidly around her finger. 

"You probably don't want to share a bed anymore," she says, expression changing into a self-deprecating smile. 

Kaede's shoulders ease down.  _ She's more relieved than she would like to admit _ . "I don't care about that," she says. 

Miu's eyes go big and shiny. "Really…?" She says, like it's too good to be true.

Kaede rolls her eyes. "Yeah, Miu. Just get in bed already."

She smiles, openly happy and relaxed. Kaede kind of wants to pretend her heart doesn't do a somersault when she sees it. Something heavier than iron and lighter than air settles on her chest like a pleased cat, weighty and purring.

"It's whatever," she repeats, grabbing her stuff and hurrying to the bathroom.

-

Miu is flopped in the middle of the bed on her stomach and typing at her phone when she returns. Kaede sits down on her side of the bed and she rolls over, resting her head against her thigh. 

"Look at this!" She says, pushing her phone into Kaede's face. It takes her a minute before she realizes what it is, distracted by the feeling of Miu's still-wet hair against her skin.

"Oh. Shuichi's making progress on the lawsuit stuff," she says.  _ She's proud of him. _

( _ She wishes she could be a good friend for him, a rallying cry, an impassioned speech _ . She isn't those things anymore, but at least he hasn't changed. He was always gonna be better than her, huh?)

Miu grins and she feels the movement against her skin. It lightens her bitter feelings.

"Rantaro linked the newspage in the group chat," she says, pulling the phone away. "Shuichi's super embarrassed about it." She laughs. "Y'know-" she suddenly begins, "-he should take advantage of my talents more often!"

"Hm?" Kaede prompts her to continue, bemused by the rapid subject change.

"Yeah! Legalese and PR might not be my  _ thing  _ but I'm smart enough to help with just about anything," she preens. "He's really letting the opportunity go to waste."

"You should tell him that," she says in the same indulgent tone as an adult might use with a kid.

Miu frowns and rolls back onto her stomach, still pressed to Kaede's side. 

"How come I always feel like you're making fun of me?" She says, face turned up to look at Kaede suspiciously. Her hair falls over her face in delicate strands, just barely starting to curl at the ends. 

"You make it too easy," she says, resting her hand on her hand and smirking. Miu sticks her tongue out at her. 

"YOU GUYS BETTER NOT BE HAVING SEX IN HERE!" A shout shatters the fragile peace they'd created. The door slams open.

"Kokichi, what the fuck?" Miu screams.

He stands in the doorway, looking almost like he didn't expect to get this far. The look quickly vanishes beneath a shit-eating grin. 

"Heya, bitch!" He chirps. "Sorry I interrupted your weird bonding moment, or whatever, but- actually, I'm not."

"Why are you here," Kaede asks flatly. Kokichi pouts at her.

"So mean~," he whines. He tosses his hair and puts on a nonchalant performance. "I just thought maybe we could hang out, talk about boys, braid each other's hair-" he says, counting on his fingers.

"Why are you  _ actually  _ here."

He flinches, and the mask falls. He looks away with a grim expression. "It's dark, cold, and I'm completely alone. I'd rather not, thanks." 

The shadow of a hydraulic press looms over their heads. He looks incredibly small in the shadowy doorway, with his oversized pajamas and the massive bedroll tucked under his arm.

"Get over here, you rat bastard!" Miu says, vulgarity betrayed by her affectionate tone. 

He smiles, small and sad but  _ real _ , then tucks it away under a mischievous grin. 

Miu helps him build a nest on the floor. She insists on finding all the extra pillows she can, and they chase each other around the cabin fighting over bedding and blankets and whatever they find. 

Kaede has no fucking clue how they have so much energy left. She's exhausted just looking at them. Even still, she comes down to sit on the stairs and watch them, hugging her pillow sleepily. 

It's a sharp contrast from the heavy mood at the firepit. The relief is evident on their faces, like they're just so happy to run and yell and argue they could fly. The tension has all gone away. 

Later, when she's the last one to fall asleep, she finds out that Kokichi sleeps curled up in a little ball like a cat. She doesn't have long to think about it before Miu turns over in her sleep and curls her warm arms around her waist, and her brain short-circuits.

_ She feels suddenly like she has never wanted anything else in the world as much as she wants them to be happy.  _ She tries to squish the feeling but it's too much, and it fills her lungs like oxygen.

Soon enough, she's lulled to sleep by the soft rhythm of their breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> agshajwian wow you read all that? Nerd
> 
> I came up with the extra details, like Shuichi's lawsuit, before I read "therefore you and me", so then I was like. Shit  
> By the way if you want a really long post-game fic that deals with the fallout btwn the v3 cast and danganronpa AND makes you experience the full range of human emotions please God read therefore you and me by unseeliekey, all of their shit is so good <3
> 
> ummmm what else. Thanks for reading this I love you now? We are married. Congratulations. 
> 
> OH also. I write miu and kokichi as ADHD solidarity, you can probably see it if you're familiar? Though it isn't explicit it's very intentional
> 
> mmmmmm this is ur reminder to go to sleep, eat, drink some water, stretch, etc  
> Please take care of yourself and thank you for staying home as much as possible, and taking precautions to protect yourself and others  
> (That's gonna date itself in a couple years lol)


End file.
